I didn't realize she left me on my mothers birthday, which is the reason i'm here in the first place. HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THIS SHIT YOU'VE DONE SINCE JULY, 8 2008. I HATE YOU FOR EVERY THING YOU'VE DONE. AND EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU ALL YOUR WORRIED ABOUT IS WHAT MY FATHERS DOING. WELL FUCK YOU, YOU'VE MADE IT NOT YOUR BUSSINESS ANYMORE YOU THREW HIM OUT THEN MOVED OUT YOUR SELF, YOU LEFT DAD. AND I'LL HATE YOU FOR IT THE REST OF MY LIFE, REMEMBER A LITTLE VOW YOU TOOK TO GOD??? TILL DEATH DO US PART? NOT TILL HE GETS TIRED OF PUTTING UP WITH MY MIDLIFE CRISIS AND TELLS ME TO GET MY LIFE STRAIGHT!!!! I HATE YOU. YOU MAY NEVER READ THIS BUT I DON'T CARE EITHER WAY.

I was watching a TV show the office on my Laptop via netflix, and they were at a karaoke club and the boss started singing Islands in the stream, and I bust out in tears. I don't have a family anymore. Its gone forever, It's time to start my own it looks like. Until last summer I couldn't wait to do it all, grow old with Brandi like my parents and grandparents before them, but thats no more, I honestly don't know how i feel, going into my engagement i had no doubts I'd spend my entire life with brandi, but now i fear failure so much, EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE FAILURE NOW. its more than just a whim though. I LOVE YOU BRANDI, just promise me you'll never treat me like my mother treated/treats my father. I KNOW WE CAN PULL THREW ANYTHING. I will love you forever.

I didn't write this to piss anyone off, its just my feelings and if you judge me for them then that is your issue. I fail at life ; ; thanks mom.

what ever don't. i rly don't care anymore i'm just so hurt i come home and you've moved out? WTF and if your going to throw 3 years away on a joke. then just whatever, I'm not doing this little game of make him feel like shit cuz i'm insecure anymore. As Estep always said "It's been nice but uhh..."

I believe this to be my final blog. Every time I rant about anything to anyone i have to hear it from someone. because when i have a problem, and talk to "them" about it they ignore me. like 5 minutes ago. i told her my problem and my thoughts on it. and it didn't change anything she just told me what ever, if i talk to someone else about it. guess what. they're depressed and pissed off at me... oh well, thanks, to any of you who actually give to shits about me.

I'm just tired of getting talked down to for blogging.

I just found out moments ago that Bam Bam Bigalow died last year...along with Mike Awesome. At this time i'm happy i didn't follow thru with my childhood dream of becoming a professional wrestler. it seems so many of them die so young, last summer when Benoit killed himself i was shocked. but at the same time I understood why he killed his family, Look at what WWE did when Eddie Guerrero died. but i'm finally over being a professional wrestler.

I can't belive its been a month since Lee Died.. its like since then has been a blur... so much going on... just thought i'd stop in and leave my thoughts.